Vinny: You fuckin' make me sick, you fuckin' slut.
Dionna: I am a slut? You're calling me a slut? You lowlife piece of fuckin' shit - you fucked - my - cousin! You didn't think I knew about that! I smelled her pussy juice all over your fuckin' face! You fuckin' sick bastard! How dare you? And all this time I'm thinking there's something wrong with me! You perverted sick fuck.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Albert Collins: Silence is the most beautiful noise in the world.
Maurice Bendrix: I am a jealous man.
Ella Khan: Do you think I'm a good mother?
Auntie Annie: No, I think you're a friggin' awful mother.
Larry Mann: Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps.
Rachel Lang: Please. Don't leave me. I don't have anyone. Please, God... let me die.
Andy McNab: Every soldier hopes for a major war in his lifetime. This one was mine.
Theo Calder: I'm Dr. Calder. You've been charged with one count of murder and found incompetent to stand trial.
Pete: She had a demon in her for a while. My neighbour, Mrs. Karsh.
Theo Calder: Mm-hmm.
Pete: It would come and go. Nobody saw it... except me.
Theo Calder: What did it look like, the demon?
Pete: Um... Did you ever see "Alien" with Sigourney Weaver?
Theo Calder: It looked like a giant insect?
Pete: No. It looked like Sigourney Weaver.
Marcus: You can order anything you want so long as it's not what?
Simon Baines: Champagne.
Barmaid: What'll it be?
Marcus: Let me get a vodka tonic and a beer, please.
Simon Baines: I'd like to buy your most expensive bottle of champagne.
Marcus: Dumbass.
Joan of Arc: I've always been faithful to God, and I've done everything He's ever asked me to do.
Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick.
Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer John Brown: Every time I close my eyes.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.
Bishop Cauchon: Poor, deluded Joan. She has no idea she has put a monster on the throne. Those are my last words as Your Majesty's spiritual advisor.
Gertrude: Oh, Arthur... what a good friend you are to him, to us.
Lord Arthur Goring: Yes, but we're not out of danger yet. In fact, I believe there's a rather popular saying about frying pans and fires, except now it is you and I, dear Gertrude, who are to be roasted.
Lavinia: In peace and honor live Lord Titus long. My noble lord and father, live in fame. Lo, at this tomb my tributary tears I render for my brethren's obsequies, and at thy feet I kneel with tears of joy shed on this earth for thy return to Rome. O bless me here with thy victorious hand.
Titus: Kind Rome, that hast thoust lovingly reserved the cordial of mine age to glad my heart! Lavinia, live, outlive thy father's days and fame's eternal date, for virtue's praise.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Ben Kurtzman: You don't walk out on Sinatra, sir.