Harry Stone: Who's first, Mac?
Mac: People versus Shibata.
Harry Stone: To what do we owe the pleasure of Mr. Shibata's company?
Dan Fielding: Well, sir, it seems Mr. Shibata was caught rolling for dollars with, um, these three rarely upstanding women.
Harry Stone: All three? That's illegal. And quite impressive.
Dan Fielding: When he was apprehended he had a fifty gallon drum of soy sauce and they were in the middle of something called a "Sukiyaki Slam-bam."
Christine Sullivan: Uh, sir, uh, while neighbors in adjoining rooms did complain for over seven hours I believe that Mr. S...
Mac/Harry/Dan: Seven hours?!
[Mr. Shibata bows to Dan, Harry, and Mac and they bow back]
Dan Fielding: My god, man, how do you do it?
Mr. Shibata: Every day, I swim ten miles, eat one hundred oysters and sit in a barrel of pickle brine.
Dan Fielding: [to stenographer] You got that?
[Stenographer nods].
Who Was That Mashed Man? - S5-E7
Kitty: Mr. Fielding? Can I ask you a question?
Dan Fielding: Certainly, young lady. Anything.
Kitty: Did you know I'm double-jointed?
Dan Fielding: Really?
Kitty: Wanna see?
Dan Fielding: Yes. [slaps his face] No. Yes. [slaps his face again] No. I can't. Now look, if anything should happen between you and I, your Uncle Vincent's gonna find out then I'm gonna lose something that's very important to me.
Kitty: Your job?
Dan Fielding: If I'm lucky.
Let It Snow - S5-E11
Mac Robinson: Hey Dan, did you burn my assembly instructions?
Dan Fielding: What's the big deal? You stick tab A into slot B. Who can't do that?
Prostitute: You'd be surprised.
Dan, the Walking Time Bomb - S5-E12
Christine Sullivan: Your Honor, my client was provoked by an antagonistic neighbor who insisted on playing his stereo loudly at all hours of the night.
Dan Fielding: Your Honor, the plaintiff clearly had no malicious intent bomb in my briefcase to antagonize the defendant. The plaintiff had no previous bomb in my briefcase complaints from other neighbors. Therefore, I would like to cite the precedent of Becca versus bomb in my briefcase to illustrate my point.
Judge Stone: [Staring quietly at Dan] Defense?
Christine Sullivan: Your Honor, prosecution is citing precedent which is absolutely irrelev [Shouting] He has a bomb in his briefcase!
Ernie Carter: Freeze! Anybody makes the teeniest tiniest move and Fielding gets blown to kingdom come.
[Everybody in the courtroom flees].
Dan Fielding: And I thank you for your support.
Answer: The jails are overcrowded, so any petty offenders whose case isn't heard by midnight will be let go. The defendant wants the details of his case read (Instead of just the typical summary of the case that Mack gives Harry) because he knows it'll take a while and run out the clock on the midnight deadline, also sparing him the grand jury trial. Dan speed-recites the document quickly enough for Harry to rule on the case and bang his gavel just at the stroke of midnight.
Captain Defenestrator