Alex Murphy: Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
Jamesir Bensonmum: She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
Dick Charleston: You mean suicide?
Jamesir Bensonmum: Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain hated herself.
Skip: I'd rather be home with a fucked-up hand up in some pussy than to be out here healthier than a motherfucker without it... Shit.
Mindy Macready: You don't have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero. You just have to be brave.
Ned: You can stand here with me if you want but you'll have to agree not to talk about the heat.
Matty: I'm a married woman.
Ned: Meaning what?
Matty: Meaning I'm not looking for company.
Ned: Then you should have said I'm a happily married woman.
Ed: Listen to me, dude, I'm having a really fucked-up, really wet, very bad fucking day.
Mr. Brooks: Before I was the Thumb Print Killer, I killed a lot of people, in a lot of different ways.
Ray Merrimen: I ain't cuffin' up.
Big Nick: That's OK. I don't bring my cuffs anyway. (01:34:05)
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!
Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent. So shut the fuck up. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on Earth. If you hire Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill you!
J. Jonah Jameson: He doesn't want to be famous? Then I'll make him INfamous!
Dr. Grace Hart: Shall we begin the autopsy? Dr. Grace Hart.
Watson: A woman doctor?
Holmes: Impossible. Fortunately we have a real doctor here.
Watson: Would you like some heroin?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Arugula. I haven't had arugula in six weeks.
Supermarket Manager: What's that?
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's a vegetable.
Riggs: I can't shoot a dog. People? Okay, but not dogs.
Dwight: I can't tell if Miho is alive or dead, but I'm on my feet and every ounce of me wants to get some killing done.